I couldn't agree with you more. Love your line 'if you can't stand yourself why should anyone else stand you?'
Your reflection is deeply aligned with my philosophy of taking FULL responsibility for ourselves - thoughts, words, and actions. Once we shift out of victimhood and into empowered self-responsibility, we see our lives change in front of our eyes.
One experience I'll add is that sitting in silence, stillness, and solitude helped me not take myself so seriously. After all, it's just Life - magical and magnificent. And life is always living through us. The ego-self that's needy and judgy is just an illusory construct, grown from the seeds of our childhood wounds and attachments.
Silence and stillness bring me right into my true essence. Boundless love, peace, and freedom.
Thank you for opening up this important conversation. 🥰🙏
Tamy, wow, thank you so much for this!! your words landed for me. i love what you said about stillness. i’ve been learning (slowly!) that the more i sit with myself without trying to “fix” anything, the more compassion shows up on its own.
life really is doing its thing through us. the ego feels so big when we’re in it, and then stillness reminds us it’s just… noise. a protective part, but not the truth.
appreciate you adding to the conversation and seeing me in this. it means a lot 🤍 stick around and enjoy some of my other words in the stillroom :)
Cibelle, my journey was different from yours. I devoured the compliments, the admiration, the attention from boys, the i love yous, and the days when the reflection looking back at me from the mirror really pleased me... when my butt didn't feel too big (which was rare and incredibly unreliable). But unlike you, I knew that I didn't love myself. And I never felt completely safe with the people who said they loved me, whether it was true or not.
Truth bomb: We cannot truly experience love without true, stable, unconditional self-love
I knew. I did not love me. I felt unlovable, unworthy, small, weak, Incapable.
I knew this way into my 30's. I was standing still in this space of insecurity and non-acceptance. Fear...
Afraid of this honesty with myself. Afraid of my vulnerability. Afraid that someone may discover my secret. The popular girl, the pretty girl, the good girl, the girl who dressed the part and walked the confident walk, who seemed like she had it all figured out - an imposter. She does not know how to love herself. She does not know how to get there either.
I am not going to blame my parents for breaking me. They loved me but they didn't know how to love themselves- still don’t.
Most children are stripped a little in some way or another by their mom and dad and their own unlovable past. But they cannot be forever held responsible. Each of us have to find our own way out - go deeply within. Create our own journey to wholeness.
Or not.
It is a choice.
I chose radical responsibility. I still do.
My journey started when I became a mom. A baby girl. Then another. And I wanted so badly to love them, for them to love themselves, for them to see how I loved myself.
My journey was slow. The most important ones are.
Slow, often painful, humbling, incredibly rewarding.
I continued... fueled by my why - them. My girls. And the little popular, pretty, good girl who dressed and walked the lie of self-love, but cried alone alot. And experienced anxiety.
Letting go of this belief...
If I appear, therefore I am.
Appearances are rarely what they seem. They are smaller, bigger, filtered over and over again. Dishonest. Cruel. Unloving. We all want the world to see how wonderful we are. (The more we want this, the less we feel this.)
Letting in love. Reminders, affirmations, meditations, books, long talks with mentors, and even more with myself.
My journey was quiet, private, consistent... sometimes 5am, sometimes 11pm, and much of the time all day long... wherever I was, there I was reminding myself - I am loveable. Love yourself now just as you are. I was remembering to believe that I was always the same incredibile human I am after I sit for 30 minutes or more, silently with myself. I am not what I do or don’t do, what others think, anyone's expectations, my loveability no longer depends on perfect hair or any form of perfection. I am. I am love.
I am 55 now. And I love myself- for my daughters, for myself, for the world. I truly love myself and even in my worst moments. I can wish I was showing up better, but I no longer lose the love. And this helps me to rise quicker every time.
This slow, winding journey got me to this beautifully blessed destination. It is the purest act of love and service. I wrote in an essay a while back: we are raising a generation of low-self esteem humans. Is there anything more dangerous?
Self-love is the most fundamental love there is. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for listening to mine.
Sharing our experiences is so good.
I hope someone reads this and decides to go on the best journey of their life, earlier than me, maybe earlier than you Cibelle. Maybe so much earlier as to break the cycle of breeding humans with low self-worth, and instead create them to love fully and deeply from the inside out. Sending love. xo
Danni, your words went straight to my heart. Your story is a mirror of my own, from hiding behind “I’m fine” to finally meeting myself in truth and love.
I deeply admire your honesty and the way you turned pain into wisdom for your daughters and others.
This kind of self-love is sacred work, slow, humbling, but the most beautiful becoming of all. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. 🌹🦉🪶
Sally, thank you for reaching out. I have learned that there is no love without complete honesty, especially with self. My self-love journey brings me to share every part of me with the hopes that it connects me even more with myself and also with someone like you. Only love today. 💕
So many of your words feel like my own thoughts that I didn't have the courage to express. "Addicted to mirrors" is exactly how I felt for a long time. But now I am learning to be a home for myself. Thank you for turning loneliness into strength and reminding me that self-love is not a spectacle.
"and here’s the radical truth: once you love your solitude that deeply, you set a standard for the waves of your life. no one gets access to you unless they exceed what you’ve already built with yourself. that is how you protect your self-worth"
This is part true, and I have ventured down so many of the same paths. But at 50, I find that there's a middle ground. Love is not a relationship. Love is not just something you feel. Love is also something you do. It's your attention. It's demonstrating that you know someone, being known. It's respecting yourself - as you explain, but it's also being vulnerable.
Love in the context of a relationship is far more complicated and far more relational than transactional. It's not about physics. We shouldn't tolerate abuse. We shouldn't depend on external validation. But we can be abusive at times. Sometimes we need reassurance.
So, while I truly value what you say. I find relationships far more nuanced and layered. It feels far more like a journey and you have to hold on to yourself along the way, but you won't always. Because there is much suffering in life and we all want someone who walks beside us.
This hit me like a mirror I didn’t know I needed. I saw my younger self in every line, loving through reflection, mistaking attention for worth, and calling that “self-love.” I’ve walked that same awakening, learning that solitude isn’t emptiness but a sacred return.
Thank you, Cibelle, for putting into words what so many of us feel but can’t express — that moment when we finally stop collapsing without mirrors and start shining from within. 🌹🦉🪶
This feels like a soft yet powerful truth of the experience I learned and took what felt like FOREVER for me to shift out of 😂.
I can so relate to so much of what you said, and: “i don’t need anyone to prove me lovable, because i already adore the person i am when no one’s watching.” YES 👏🏻🤍
And to get to a point where we enjoy our solitude and still create space for it and relish in it even when we have close friendships or a partner from this new place still is amazing! 😍
This really hit me. That part about mirrors and proof — I’ve been there too, confusing reflection for love. The line about solitude being sovereignty… I felt that in my chest. It’s such a quiet kind of truth, the way peace starts to sound louder than validation. Thank you for writing this — it honestly stayed with me…
this was beautiful thanks for sharing :)
thank you for the kind words, joss!
Love this vulnerable and raw piece, Cibelle.
I couldn't agree with you more. Love your line 'if you can't stand yourself why should anyone else stand you?'
Your reflection is deeply aligned with my philosophy of taking FULL responsibility for ourselves - thoughts, words, and actions. Once we shift out of victimhood and into empowered self-responsibility, we see our lives change in front of our eyes.
One experience I'll add is that sitting in silence, stillness, and solitude helped me not take myself so seriously. After all, it's just Life - magical and magnificent. And life is always living through us. The ego-self that's needy and judgy is just an illusory construct, grown from the seeds of our childhood wounds and attachments.
Silence and stillness bring me right into my true essence. Boundless love, peace, and freedom.
Thank you for opening up this important conversation. 🥰🙏
Tamy, wow, thank you so much for this!! your words landed for me. i love what you said about stillness. i’ve been learning (slowly!) that the more i sit with myself without trying to “fix” anything, the more compassion shows up on its own.
life really is doing its thing through us. the ego feels so big when we’re in it, and then stillness reminds us it’s just… noise. a protective part, but not the truth.
appreciate you adding to the conversation and seeing me in this. it means a lot 🤍 stick around and enjoy some of my other words in the stillroom :)
✨🙏🥰yes to all of it. Thank you for your reflecting back. Happy to read you.
Cibelle, my journey was different from yours. I devoured the compliments, the admiration, the attention from boys, the i love yous, and the days when the reflection looking back at me from the mirror really pleased me... when my butt didn't feel too big (which was rare and incredibly unreliable). But unlike you, I knew that I didn't love myself. And I never felt completely safe with the people who said they loved me, whether it was true or not.
Truth bomb: We cannot truly experience love without true, stable, unconditional self-love
I knew. I did not love me. I felt unlovable, unworthy, small, weak, Incapable.
I knew this way into my 30's. I was standing still in this space of insecurity and non-acceptance. Fear...
Afraid of this honesty with myself. Afraid of my vulnerability. Afraid that someone may discover my secret. The popular girl, the pretty girl, the good girl, the girl who dressed the part and walked the confident walk, who seemed like she had it all figured out - an imposter. She does not know how to love herself. She does not know how to get there either.
I am not going to blame my parents for breaking me. They loved me but they didn't know how to love themselves- still don’t.
Most children are stripped a little in some way or another by their mom and dad and their own unlovable past. But they cannot be forever held responsible. Each of us have to find our own way out - go deeply within. Create our own journey to wholeness.
Or not.
It is a choice.
I chose radical responsibility. I still do.
My journey started when I became a mom. A baby girl. Then another. And I wanted so badly to love them, for them to love themselves, for them to see how I loved myself.
My journey was slow. The most important ones are.
Slow, often painful, humbling, incredibly rewarding.
I continued... fueled by my why - them. My girls. And the little popular, pretty, good girl who dressed and walked the lie of self-love, but cried alone alot. And experienced anxiety.
Letting go of this belief...
If I appear, therefore I am.
Appearances are rarely what they seem. They are smaller, bigger, filtered over and over again. Dishonest. Cruel. Unloving. We all want the world to see how wonderful we are. (The more we want this, the less we feel this.)
Letting in love. Reminders, affirmations, meditations, books, long talks with mentors, and even more with myself.
My journey was quiet, private, consistent... sometimes 5am, sometimes 11pm, and much of the time all day long... wherever I was, there I was reminding myself - I am loveable. Love yourself now just as you are. I was remembering to believe that I was always the same incredibile human I am after I sit for 30 minutes or more, silently with myself. I am not what I do or don’t do, what others think, anyone's expectations, my loveability no longer depends on perfect hair or any form of perfection. I am. I am love.
I am 55 now. And I love myself- for my daughters, for myself, for the world. I truly love myself and even in my worst moments. I can wish I was showing up better, but I no longer lose the love. And this helps me to rise quicker every time.
This slow, winding journey got me to this beautifully blessed destination. It is the purest act of love and service. I wrote in an essay a while back: we are raising a generation of low-self esteem humans. Is there anything more dangerous?
Self-love is the most fundamental love there is. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for listening to mine.
Sharing our experiences is so good.
I hope someone reads this and decides to go on the best journey of their life, earlier than me, maybe earlier than you Cibelle. Maybe so much earlier as to break the cycle of breeding humans with low self-worth, and instead create them to love fully and deeply from the inside out. Sending love. xo
Danni, your words went straight to my heart. Your story is a mirror of my own, from hiding behind “I’m fine” to finally meeting myself in truth and love.
I deeply admire your honesty and the way you turned pain into wisdom for your daughters and others.
This kind of self-love is sacred work, slow, humbling, but the most beautiful becoming of all. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. 🌹🦉🪶
Sally, thank you for reaching out. I have learned that there is no love without complete honesty, especially with self. My self-love journey brings me to share every part of me with the hopes that it connects me even more with myself and also with someone like you. Only love today. 💕
From the title to the end, it hit me deep. Great read!
So many of your words feel like my own thoughts that I didn't have the courage to express. "Addicted to mirrors" is exactly how I felt for a long time. But now I am learning to be a home for myself. Thank you for turning loneliness into strength and reminding me that self-love is not a spectacle.
"and here’s the radical truth: once you love your solitude that deeply, you set a standard for the waves of your life. no one gets access to you unless they exceed what you’ve already built with yourself. that is how you protect your self-worth"
This is part true, and I have ventured down so many of the same paths. But at 50, I find that there's a middle ground. Love is not a relationship. Love is not just something you feel. Love is also something you do. It's your attention. It's demonstrating that you know someone, being known. It's respecting yourself - as you explain, but it's also being vulnerable.
Love in the context of a relationship is far more complicated and far more relational than transactional. It's not about physics. We shouldn't tolerate abuse. We shouldn't depend on external validation. But we can be abusive at times. Sometimes we need reassurance.
So, while I truly value what you say. I find relationships far more nuanced and layered. It feels far more like a journey and you have to hold on to yourself along the way, but you won't always. Because there is much suffering in life and we all want someone who walks beside us.
Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable, Cibelle.
This hit me like a mirror I didn’t know I needed. I saw my younger self in every line, loving through reflection, mistaking attention for worth, and calling that “self-love.” I’ve walked that same awakening, learning that solitude isn’t emptiness but a sacred return.
Thank you, Cibelle, for putting into words what so many of us feel but can’t express — that moment when we finally stop collapsing without mirrors and start shining from within. 🌹🦉🪶
This is beautiful, Cibelle. We are the ones who deserve our love the most. ❤️❤️
Yes a good read and it's important to understand how damaging addiction for validation is. Thank you for sharing this.
🙏🙏
sooo good, thank you for writing this.
You’re a beautiful soul
This feels like a soft yet powerful truth of the experience I learned and took what felt like FOREVER for me to shift out of 😂.
I can so relate to so much of what you said, and: “i don’t need anyone to prove me lovable, because i already adore the person i am when no one’s watching.” YES 👏🏻🤍
And to get to a point where we enjoy our solitude and still create space for it and relish in it even when we have close friendships or a partner from this new place still is amazing! 😍
I love love love this! Thank you for sharing! 🫶🏻🤍
This really hit me. That part about mirrors and proof — I’ve been there too, confusing reflection for love. The line about solitude being sovereignty… I felt that in my chest. It’s such a quiet kind of truth, the way peace starts to sound louder than validation. Thank you for writing this — it honestly stayed with me…