i don’t need anyone to prove me lovable

learn to love being alone so completely that anyone who comes into your life has to elevate it, not rescue it.

if you only love yourself when someone else does, you don’t love yourself.

i used to believe i loved myself. i told people that. i told myself that. but if i’m honest, most of the time it wasn’t love, it was a kind of performance. it was me looking into someone else’s eyes and mistaking their admiration for my own. when they said i was beautiful, i felt beautiful. when they loved my quirks, i felt lovable. when they held me close, i believed i was worth holding.

but take all of that away? the late-night texts, the warm body beside me, the mirror of their gaze? i would collapse. i didn’t know who i was without someone else’s evidence. i only loved myself when somebody else reminded me how.

so let me ask you this:
do you only love yourself because someone is showing you what they love about you? or without that proof, without the relationship, without their reflection, do you love yourself at all?

this question gutted me. it exposed how much of my “self-love” was borrowed, how much of it evaporated in solitude. all of my 20’s, i thought i was strong. i thought i was independent. but really, i was just addicted to mirrors.

here’s what happens when you only know love through others:
— you jump from partner to partner, terrified of the silence in between.
— you feel worthless the moment the texts stop or the attention shifts.
— you settle for half-love, scraps of affection, because you don’t know how to feast alone.

we tell ourselves it’s natural to crave love. and yes, it is. but what’s unnatural is outsourcing the entirety of our worth. that’s how people end up staying in dead-end relationships, mistaking being chosen for being valuable.

most of my 20’s floated by like this. i hit my 28th birthday exhausted of being a ghost in my own life. tired of only shining when someone else switched on the light. that year i celebrated my birthday alone. i didn’t answer birthday texts or calls. i didn’t want anyone celebrating me, celebrating my ghost. that was the day i went from liking being alone to falling in love with my solitude.

solitude, when you lean into it, is not emptiness. it’s sovereignty. it’s the moment you realize: i don’t need anyone to prove me lovable, because i already adore the person i am when no one’s watching.

and here’s the radical truth: once you love your solitude that deeply, you set a standard for the waves of your life. no one gets access to you unless they exceed what you’ve already built with yourself. that is how you protect your self-worth. that is how you keep your self-respect intact. you stop jumping from partner to partner. you enjoy the peace when you phone has no missed calls or texts. you wait for full, warm love, and affection that sets your spirit free and opens you up to a whole universe.

so i say this to you with love (partially to me as a reminder): stop begging for mirrors. stop starving for reflections. stop mistaking crumbs for banquets.

if you can’t stand your own company, why should anyone else?
if you don’t love yourself without witnesses, then what you love is not yourself — it’s attention.

this isn’t meant to shame you, it’s meant to wake you. because when you finally taste the richness of your own solitude, you will never again settle for less. you will stop asking “who will love me?” and start asking “who deserves me?”

that’s the shift, and it feels sexy. and it hits like thunder. don’t be a girl waiting to be chosen, bloom into a woman who knows she is the choice.

so here’s my thesis, my dare, my love-letter-disguised-as-a-warning:
learn to love being alone so completely that anyone who comes into your life has to elevate it, not rescue it. fall in love with your own presence until solitude feels like home. and then, from that fullness, let others in — not because you need them, but because you want them.

that’s the day you’ll stop being invisible. that’s the day you’ll stop collapsing without mirrors. that’s the day you’ll finally see yourself.

take what nourishes you and share what’s stirring, if you wish. in the comments or a quiet message. 🌙
with love from the stillroom,
cibelle

i write to music. enjoy a sip while you wander through…

☼ the ritual of burning yourself alive (spiritually speaking)
☼ to those who feel everything
☼ the mysterious ways of love
☼ 33 realizations at 33 (thats changed everything)
☼ how to not let this world turn you to stone
☼ on happiness: fly in the direction of your own light
and sometimes, i photograph beautiful souls you may know. ✧ find me here ✧