It made me remember an incident that helped me to understand what spirituality really means. I had been stuck in Berlin, being my mother's caregiver, for years. I thought I was watching my early thirties pass by while my mom was slowly withering away with early onset Alzheimer's. One of my closer friends was traveling India, and on the way to my mom's place, I thought: She gets to have all these amazing spiritual experiences over there.
And then, when I sat at my mom's bed, feeding her with a beaker cup, trying to make her feel safe in the face of death, I understood that this is the real thing, that it will never get more real than that.
After she died, I left to travel India. And it's great. But I have never been in deeper surrender to what is than when I sat at my mom's death bed.
Theresa! I have chills down my body. this is so personal and so deeply moving it brought me to tears. I dont know what it feels like to be remotely in the moments that brought you such intimacy with spirit, but I am moved. thank you for sharing this with me. my heart is warm and I carry your mom with me.
You named it perfectly. The industry of light that never risks the flame. Everyone wants transcendence that smells good, nobody wants the burn that frees it. Maybe that’s what survives the fire, not a purified self but the courage to stay ash and still call it love. Blessed be the ones who rise from their own smoke and don’t apologize for smelling like truth.
Wow really potent writing. You sound like my kind of people. If you ever want come hang with me @labefanastable podcast let me know. I love conversations like this.
I would not, however, wish such despair on another. I do not envy the blissfully ignorant, but I would not punish them with that level of knowledge either.
Love the depth of this share. I can feel and taste the words and wisdom expressed here. Thanks for diving into the void and making the leap into the places others are afraid to go.
thank you Christopher! and imagine the movement if fear is dismantled and more dare to explore it! enjoy my recent notes and post, if you feel deeply you may connect to them as well. xx
on your saturn return, Hawaii!? oh the warmth, how stunning! if I may, LEAN into it. I am 33 now, I dove all the way into all that showed itself so that it wouldnt have to return in a new disguise. smile through it all. :) x
You’re in for a wild ride if you’re still at the edge! Let that flame consume you whole for as long as it needs to. As many times as needed—cycling back around to be reinitiated into it again and again for deeper purification of what is false for you and your path. There is so much more to life when you accept the invitation of unbecoming. Thank you again for sharing this with me❤️🔥
Victoria, I have chills grazing up and down my body. my feet are tingling and im in full blown tears. thank you for inviting the consumption. i will say, I crave it every single day since my birth (both my daughter's, and my own re-birth). this lands deeply and im exhaling as I write back to you! <3
So beautiful! Thank you for being so vulnerable. Going to the depths of our soul is hard, uncomfortable, and feels like you’re losing yourself but in truth is reconnect with your divine essence. This journey of life is a continuous death and rebirth. Unlearning who we thought we were and remember who we have always been.
I agree that the spiritual industry has forgotten to name the importance of slowing down, pausing and name that the healing journey can be hard af. They try to sugar coat it like it’s all rainbow and sunshine’s as much as I wish it was easier it’s not. Even sometimes I struggle to elevate my work because I know I meant to support souls through those ugly difficult moments but I’m remind that we need to face ourselves to shift humanity and healing needs to be seen an essential. I really appreciate your perspective and will continue to be mindful of how I elevate my work. Thank you
Hazel, firstly, thank you for taking precious time in heart and fingers to write this and reflect on my writing. this is beautifully said and it reminds me exactly of what another reader wrote, inviting me to step through the fire. that we will find ourselves “cycling back around to be reinitiated into it again and again.” I see new folks joining with each re-initiation and all I feel is hope and thrill! Looking forward to the next one! x Cibelle
You write very beautifully Cibelle. The line that most resonates is this: 'no one tells you that finding your soul might cost you your personality'. I wholeheartedly agree about the emptiness of some forms of commercially packaged 'spirituality'. Thought-provoking words.
This really hit me more than most things I have read here on Substack (not as a shade to anyone, there are so so many lovely talented people on here) – just to say GREAT piece. Thank you for sharing!
This is one of the best things I've read lately.
It made me remember an incident that helped me to understand what spirituality really means. I had been stuck in Berlin, being my mother's caregiver, for years. I thought I was watching my early thirties pass by while my mom was slowly withering away with early onset Alzheimer's. One of my closer friends was traveling India, and on the way to my mom's place, I thought: She gets to have all these amazing spiritual experiences over there.
And then, when I sat at my mom's bed, feeding her with a beaker cup, trying to make her feel safe in the face of death, I understood that this is the real thing, that it will never get more real than that.
After she died, I left to travel India. And it's great. But I have never been in deeper surrender to what is than when I sat at my mom's death bed.
Theresa! I have chills down my body. this is so personal and so deeply moving it brought me to tears. I dont know what it feels like to be remotely in the moments that brought you such intimacy with spirit, but I am moved. thank you for sharing this with me. my heart is warm and I carry your mom with me.
Thank you, Cibelle!
And keep writing such wonderful things.
I write a lot about my grief and personal journey and would be happy to connect. Maybe you resonate:
https://open.substack.com/pub/theresarath?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1n3ycy
You named it perfectly. The industry of light that never risks the flame. Everyone wants transcendence that smells good, nobody wants the burn that frees it. Maybe that’s what survives the fire, not a purified self but the courage to stay ash and still call it love. Blessed be the ones who rise from their own smoke and don’t apologize for smelling like truth.
the courage to stay ash and still call it love! WOWW
"no one tells you that finding your soul might cost you your personality."
🔥🎶
a friend suggested it will*. I believe it!!
Wow really potent writing. You sound like my kind of people. If you ever want come hang with me @labefanastable podcast let me know. I love conversations like this.
thank you dina!
I experienced something similar. Despair as a clarity vacuum. It led to the writing of an album and this story:
https://vocal.media/fiction/flotsam
I would not, however, wish such despair on another. I do not envy the blissfully ignorant, but I would not punish them with that level of knowledge either.
Seekers seek, and they find.
wow this is moving. and you would not "punish them with that level of knowledge". oh this is true beyond words.
seekers seek, and they find. wow!
Loved the way this post describes what actually spirituality does to the soul
oh hello there. thank you for your kind reflection!
Love the depth of this share. I can feel and taste the words and wisdom expressed here. Thanks for diving into the void and making the leap into the places others are afraid to go.
thank you Christopher! and imagine the movement if fear is dismantled and more dare to explore it! enjoy my recent notes and post, if you feel deeply you may connect to them as well. xx
truly loved this!! Reminds me of something i tell myself often....
"Letting go isn't the end of anything. It's the beginning of everything".
and that, my friend, is my favorite line!!
we’re on the same wave :)
Raw & real, grateful to have found you~
Read by candlelight, in Hawaii on my Saturn line, alongside mars Venus & Jupiter
A not so tender death, trying to find the soul way home✨
on your saturn return, Hawaii!? oh the warmth, how stunning! if I may, LEAN into it. I am 33 now, I dove all the way into all that showed itself so that it wouldnt have to return in a new disguise. smile through it all. :) x
Powerful and a good read 🙏🙏
thank you, thank you!
🙏🙏
You’re in for a wild ride if you’re still at the edge! Let that flame consume you whole for as long as it needs to. As many times as needed—cycling back around to be reinitiated into it again and again for deeper purification of what is false for you and your path. There is so much more to life when you accept the invitation of unbecoming. Thank you again for sharing this with me❤️🔥
Victoria, I have chills grazing up and down my body. my feet are tingling and im in full blown tears. thank you for inviting the consumption. i will say, I crave it every single day since my birth (both my daughter's, and my own re-birth). this lands deeply and im exhaling as I write back to you! <3
So beautiful! Thank you for being so vulnerable. Going to the depths of our soul is hard, uncomfortable, and feels like you’re losing yourself but in truth is reconnect with your divine essence. This journey of life is a continuous death and rebirth. Unlearning who we thought we were and remember who we have always been.
I agree that the spiritual industry has forgotten to name the importance of slowing down, pausing and name that the healing journey can be hard af. They try to sugar coat it like it’s all rainbow and sunshine’s as much as I wish it was easier it’s not. Even sometimes I struggle to elevate my work because I know I meant to support souls through those ugly difficult moments but I’m remind that we need to face ourselves to shift humanity and healing needs to be seen an essential. I really appreciate your perspective and will continue to be mindful of how I elevate my work. Thank you
Hazel, firstly, thank you for taking precious time in heart and fingers to write this and reflect on my writing. this is beautifully said and it reminds me exactly of what another reader wrote, inviting me to step through the fire. that we will find ourselves “cycling back around to be reinitiated into it again and again.” I see new folks joining with each re-initiation and all I feel is hope and thrill! Looking forward to the next one! x Cibelle
You write very beautifully Cibelle. The line that most resonates is this: 'no one tells you that finding your soul might cost you your personality'. I wholeheartedly agree about the emptiness of some forms of commercially packaged 'spirituality'. Thought-provoking words.
all i care for is for my words to be felt, and this reflection makes me feel it right back. thank you!
Another light, another mirror… 😮💨
ooooo girl
How very Scorpio season of you 🖤 incredible!
thank you erin! a taurus reflector, over here 🥲 you know how it goes
This really hit me more than most things I have read here on Substack (not as a shade to anyone, there are so so many lovely talented people on here) – just to say GREAT piece. Thank you for sharing!